There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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