i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
