I met the friendliest cop last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
