She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
