I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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