ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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