He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
