omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
