i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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