god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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