I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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