plz talk dirty to me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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