Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
