the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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