dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
