he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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