when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
