didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
