It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
