Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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