it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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