My room smells like vodka and shame
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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