I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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