haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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