They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
