If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
