we made out on top of his cat.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
