take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
