can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
