it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
