I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
