I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
