He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
