two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
