you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
