How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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