ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
