A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
