my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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