the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm getting married
To pizza
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
