Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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