Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So vagazzling was a success
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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