you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
