My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
