Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
