3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
