I'm so fucking centered right now
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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