you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
