Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
They have beer where we have blood.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
