i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
