i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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