How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
