Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
