Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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