i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
