I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
