I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize