we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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