Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
