I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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