I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
