Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
