Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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