i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
