It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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