Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
