Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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