i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
