whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
