I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
