My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
