Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
