You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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