the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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