I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
