The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize