Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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